I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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