its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
