i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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