I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
