I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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