I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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