I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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