Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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