i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
