It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
