Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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