i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
