I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
