I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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