he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
