That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Alive.
So much puke
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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