I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
