Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
