Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
