oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
