The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
