Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
