I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
