ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
