My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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