This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
