im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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