I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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