Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
