How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
