i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
