I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
