i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
