It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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