I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
