I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
