Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
