exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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