just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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