if only i could text you this smell
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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