My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
