I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
