Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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