i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
