Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the day after is always just damage control
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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