she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
