The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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