the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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