There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
