Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
