Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How naked do you want me to be?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
