I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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