I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Farmville is her only friend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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