you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
