Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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