It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
