did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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