After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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