guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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